Born on Christmas Day, I've spent three decades enduring the same old Jesus jokes and predictable questions about double presents. Family Christmases, with their familiar routine of dinner, presents, board games, and friendly arguments, have been a cherished tradition. However, as I approach my thirties, I've decided to veer off the beaten path this December 25th.
This year, instead of making the customary pilgrimage back to Birmingham, I'm opting for a London Friendsmas. Co-habiting with one of my closest mates, we're set to host an intimate gathering of around half a dozen friends for a Christmas dinner that promises to be anything but ordinary. The Friendsmas 2023 WhatsApp chat, a burgeoning hub of plans and coordination, has taken on a life of its own, slowly but surely taking over my daily routine.
The meticulous planners in our group are orchestrating the menu, divvying up responsibilities for food and drink, and even plotting out the pre-dinner walk. There's a collective determination among us to make it an exceptionally wholesome day. A friend from Galway is making a swift visit, unable to bear the fear of missing out (FOMO), and others with London-based families plan to join us later in the day.
Our eclectic circle, predominantly composed of gay men and women, has always eschewed the conventional life milestones—marriage, kids—by a certain age. It's a refreshing deviation from societal expectations. However, there remains a subtle societal taboo about spending Christmas away from the familial hearth, especially for those not part of a couple.
Single individuals often feel a sense of obligation to return home, bypassing the opportunity to create their own Christmas traditions. There's a pervasive concern about breaking the news to family, a fear of disappointing the ones who hold familial ties sacred. A 39-year-old friend, successful in his career and a property owner, confessed to being nervous about broaching the subject of Friendsmas with his parents, illustrating the deep respect people harbor for their families.
While familial bonds are undeniably significant, the value of friendships should not be underestimated. Friends offer a unique support system and varied advice that extends beyond the occasional pint during the post-Christmas, pre-New Year limbo. As I embark on this unconventional Yuletide journey, I'm reminded that traditions are meant to evolve, and breaking taboos can pave the way for new and meaningful connections.
When I dropped the bombshell about opting for a Friendsmas this Christmas, the reaction from my family was a mix of anticipation and, surprisingly, understanding. Over the years, my mum, ever the subtle prophet, had often suggested bringing friends around for Christmas, though the logistics never quite aligned. This year, with my brother and his partner off celebrating with in-laws, the stage was set for a quieter family gathering.
The moment I broke the news in our family group chat, I could almost sense the virtual tumbleweeds rolling through. The awkward silence hung in the air, and it was up to me to dispel any concerns. I reassured my mum that this decision wasn't a reflection of my diminishing love for family time but rather a desire to experiment with something new.
Miraculously, both my mum and dad grasped the concept. Perhaps it was the fact that they had already met the majority of my friends during a visit to London last year. The occasion? My surprise 30th birthday party organized by a friend. Admittedly, I'm not great with surprises, and the initial shock of seeing my dad at the restaurant, sitting inconspicuously, led my imagination astray. Naturally, I assumed the worst—an affair in the works. However, reality prevailed, and he was simply there to celebrate with my mum and friends.
Their understanding perspective seemed to be: if I harbor such love for my mates, why wouldn't I want to spend this festive season with them as well? While more traditional parents might argue that spending Christmas with a spouse, kids, and in-laws is the only valid choice, my parents, thankfully, are an open-minded duo. I'll be checking in with them on the day, navigating the details of family gossip and, undoubtedly, enduring the retelling of embarrassing stories.
We've already had our pre-Christmas weekend—a return to Birmingham for present exchanges, rounds of crazy golf with my brother, his partner, and my adorable nephew and niece. Even my extended family made the effort to gather a week earlier for a dual celebration of my birthday and an early Christmas. So, while I'm charting new territory this Christmas, the ties that bind me to family remain intact, and the holiday spirit extends beyond the confines of tradition.
As the anticipation builds for our impending Friendsmas celebration, the diverse tapestry of family traditions is already emerging, promising a unique blend of the familiar and the unexpected. With a Jamaican mum in the mix, the absence of the customary rice and peas on the Christmas dinner table will undoubtedly be felt, adding a touch of nostalgia to the festivities. Yet, on the flip side, the prospect of indulging in Nigella's ham in Coca-Cola and a TikTok-inspired mandarin posset brings a sense of culinary adventure. It's a classic case of "you win some, you lose some.
Presents, in the midst of a cost-of-living crisis, are kept low-key. No one wants to witness mates teetering on the brink of financial turmoil for the sake of Christmas gifts. Instead, we're contemplating a luxurious treat for everyone – a day-long indulgence of central heating to ward off the need for layered jumpers.
As the day unfolds, a call to my parents will be the anchor, providing the lowdown on the family's Christmas shenanigans. There's a tinge of wistfulness at the thought of missing out on the annual Christmas TV ritual, particularly shows like Strictly, which usually serves as the backdrop to family gatherings. However, in the age of streaming and social media, terrestrial TV is a relic of the past, and I'll be resorting to X (formerly known as Twitter) for updates on the dramatic twists in EastEnders.
Christmas Eve, traditionally spent at a local pub with friends from home, holds its own memories – countless drinks thrust upon me as a Christmas baby. In my twenties, there were moments of waking up with a pounding headache in my childhood room, surrounded by remnants of Aston Villa kits in the drawers. This year, a departure from the pub scene might lead to a fresher Christmas morning, free from the well-meaning attempts to fill me with pints.
In a bid for wholesome festivity, someone proposed attending the Christmas Eve carol service at St Paul's, a move that would undoubtedly surprise my family. Unfortunately, we missed the pre-sale tickets, so a last-minute guest list invitation would be a Christmas miracle. As the countdown to Friendsmas continues, it's shaping up to be a celebration where cherished traditions merge with newfound delights, promising a day of warmth, laughter, and genuine connection.
Christmas, for many, is a time of introspection—a season where the choices we make about how we spend our time hold profound significance. Opting to create new memories with friends during this festive period holds a special place in my heart. The decision to embark on a Friendsmas adventure is not just about breaking from tradition; it's a deliberate choice to weave a different tapestry of memories with those who share a unique bond.
In sharing my plans with other friends, I've discovered a surprising undercurrent of jealousy. It seems the allure of a non-traditional Christmas, filled with laughter and camaraderie, resonates with many. Perhaps, in the coming years, more friends will gather around the Friendsmas table, drawn to the promise of an alternative celebration. However, as for me, I'm not entirely certain I'll be among them next year. The prospect of explaining two consecutive London-based Christmases to my family might be a diplomatic challenge I'm not quite ready to undertake.
This year's Friendsmas holds a special significance, a departure from the norm that speaks volumes about the evolving nature of traditions and the bonds we cherish. As the day unfolds, I'll be reaching out to my parents to gather the details of the family festivities, ensuring that, despite the physical distance, the ties that bind us remain strong.
In the absence of familiar Jamaican dishes like rice and peas on the Christmas dinner table, there's a twinge of nostalgia, a reminder of the cultural threads that weave through our holiday celebrations. Yet, in this deviation from the expected, there's a promise of new experiences and the forging of lasting connections.
The journey toward a reflective and unconventional Christmas is not without its challenges, but the reward lies in the memories created and the bonds strengthened. As this festive season unfolds, I find solace in the knowledge that the stories written during Friendsmas will become cherished chapters in the book of my life.
As the festive season unfolds, marked by the unconventional choice of Friendsmas, a reflective period takes center stage. This departure from traditional Christmas celebrations is not merely a break from routine but a conscious decision to craft unique memories with cherished friends. The shared laughter and camaraderie resonate not only with me but also with friends who express a twinge of jealousy, perhaps hinting at a growing trend of alternative celebrations.
Looking ahead, the prospect of more friends joining the Friendsmas table in the years to come holds promise. Yet, personally, the challenge of explaining two consecutive London-based Christmases to my family remains a consideration for the future. The evolving nature of traditions and the bonds we hold dear are at the heart of this year's Friendsmas, reminding us that the essence of the season lies in the connections we nurture.
Despite the absence of familiar dishes like rice and peas, the deviation from the expected brings the promise of new experiences and strengthened connections. Reaching out to my parents on the day ensures that, even with physical distance, the familial ties remain strong.
In this journey toward a reflective and unconventional Christmas, challenges are met with resilience, and the reward lies not only in the memories created but also in the forging of lasting connections. As the stories unfold during Friendsmas, they become cherished chapters in the ongoing narrative of a life well-lived—a testament to the power of choosing the extraordinary over the expected, and the enduring bonds forged in the spirit of true celebration.